Posted on July 21, 2025 

What Is Self-Love, Really? A Beginner’s Guide to Loving Yourself

By Mel Myers

Self-love is not selfish.

In a world that rewards productivity, people-pleasing, and perfectionism, taking time to love yourself can feel radical — even uncomfortable. But self-love is not about ignoring others or becoming arrogant. It’s about respecting yourself enough to treat yourself with the same kindness, patience, and care you would give a dear friend.

When you intentionally practice self-love, you begin to change the way you talk to yourself, the way you hold your boundaries, and the way you move through the world.

Why Is Self-Love So Hard?

Most of us didn’t grow up being taught how to love ourselves. We learned to chase approval, meet expectations, and silence our own needs. Over time, that leads to harsh inner criticism and the sense that we are never enough.

If you struggle with self-love, know this: you are not broken, and you are not alone.

Learning to love yourself is a practice. It takes time, intention, and gentle repetition. I’ve seen articles listing dozens of steps to take toward self-love — and to me, that feels daunting and impossible.

I’m a single mom, a nurse, starting my own wellness business, and I’m also the caregiver for my mom who has dementia. Adding any daily must-do self-care checklist to my already overloaded ADHD brain? Not happening.

Instead, I find small, kind ways every day to express love to myself. That way, I don’t feel pressure or guilt if I can’t do it all. I just do what I can — and that’s enough.

How to Start Practicing Self-Love

You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Simply being mindful to include self-love in your day can help reframe your inner world. Here are some beginner-friendly ways to invite more self-love into your life:

1. Talk kindly to yourself.

Notice when your inner critic is harsh, and practice replacing those thoughts with gentler language. You’re not the villain in your own life. There’s no need to keep beating yourself up.

2. Set healthy boundaries.

It is an act of love to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Say no when you need to. Log off social media, don’t volunteer for that extra event. You don’t owe anyone over-explaining or overextending.

3. Rest and nourish yourself.

Self-love shows up in honoring your physical needs, too. Prepping healthy meals ahead of the work week feels like intentional self-love. If you need to go to bed early, or take an hour to simply be, take that time for yourself.

4. Celebrate Your Progress.

Even small steps deserve recognition. Maybe you remembered to drink water, or you filled your gas tank the night before. Good for you! Celebrate those wins. They matter.

5. Use journaling as a mirror.

Writing down your feelings, challenges, and affirmations is a powerful way to build self-awareness and compassion. If you haven’t paused to reflect upon how you talk to and treat yourself, trust me, it’s eye-opening.

Self-Love Is a Daily Choice

Self-love doesn’t happen overnight. But by incorporating small moments of self-compassion and kindness into your daily routine, you can start to break the chains of negativity you’ve carried for too long.

You are worthy of love — including your own.